How Do You Do? (It's Kiddoo and the Dude​!​)

by Kiddoo and the Dude

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about

From the live music capital of the world, comes the genre-bending debut album that sets the weird wild wordings of Kiddoo to every rock styling--from grunge to funk to hip-hop to metal--creating the most unique schizophrenic soundscape of 2013!

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released April 20, 2013

Kiddoo: singing, screaming, writhing, guitars
Dude: the beat
Mitchell Vandenberg: the bass

Engineered by Matt Meli at Yellowdog Studios
Produced by Matt Meli and Kiddoo and the Dude

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Kiddoo and the Dude Austin, Texas

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Track Name: How Do You Do?
I’m a token ham
with a broken van
and I stand and smoke
next to where the NO SMOKING sign stands.
But I put on my pants
like every other damned man,
one leg in each pant
and a spot in the crotch for my hand.
And I’ll rep the band
til I can’t stand,
til I’m so slammed I can’t remember
that the damn name o the band is my own damn.
And, if, honey, I’m yo man,
I’ll hold hands with your honey hams
and make sweet lunch to you.

How do you do?
It’s Kiddoo.

I never lose myself in the crowd,
and you ask me how—
well, I got the Dude beside me with his head in the clouds.
No, not that he’s tuned out—
my dude is vertically endowed;
he’s got a hell of a view down.
He catches all of you clowns,
but he don’t talk one word o shit about it.
There’s a spot on his lip
where he’s always bit down
til he gets to his set
and he sits down
and he whips out
his sticks like a stripper whips her tits out
and he hands me the mic and something to shout about
and we get it up and let it out
and fuck around right on you…
I’m just introducing Kiddoo and the Dude.

How do you do?
It’s the Dude.

(And now a verse for the ladies)
Now, baby,
lemme tell you ahead o time,
I ain’t a saint but I make a great Valentine.
In the candlelight, I’ll feed you box o wine,
but when it comes down to screwin,
it ain’t gone be just you and I.
It’ll be the Dude and I on either side
and you know we go down smoother than we scuba dive. I’ve
just gotta make you scream
and make you make me scream.
Then, the Dude teams up with a cup o Beam.
Between that and two scoops o ice cream like its Vaseline—
well, you’ll just have to scream,
perhaps the loudest scream
this whole damn town has seen.
You’ll be callin me Your Majesty
and the Dude a prophet, he’s
got these moves that you just gotta see.
And that he did foresee,
and I think you will agree,
when I say we executed oh-so pimpishly…

How do you do?
It’s Kiddoo and the Dude.
Track Name: The Spot
Hey there, Suzy Q.
This is the Dude
and I’m Kiddoo.
And this is your bottle o booze.
And it comes equipped with cups and cozies too
cuz we keeps it cool.
And it’s brought to you by the crew most courteous—
flirtiest, dirtiest, absurdyist, but never rude,
so you can’t refuse,
when the Spot we got’s got a hot jacuz
and we ask you if you wanna get nude.
Oh, only if we do it too?
If we didn’t, wouldn’t that be rude?

Then, the Ry-Guy arrives with a tent pitched,
thinkin this bitch want a triple-decker sandwich.
Now, this type o shit, she ain’t typically down with,
but something bout the Spot got her thinking bout it.

Everybody,
get together,
try to fuck one another.
At the Spot,
time you spend
will never get to be forever
(for worse or for better).

Everybody
and their lover’s
getting fucked up on whatever.
At the Spot,
the time you spent
was never meant to be forever
(some’ll never recover).

I’ll see you at the Spot if I got time
but I gotta find time to write my rhymes.

After the after-party,
then after dinner,
there’s the after-after-party—
go figure.
And we always host the after-after-party, see—
cuz we like our parties like our coffee,
dark and sweet,
with the feelin that you’re peakin
til you’re gonna tweak—
now the Spot got you freakin..

…And I’m
walkin around like a zombie,
middle o the parking lot,
dressed like Gandhi, while
security’s on me
to return the party
which turned up right behind me,
followin me blindly,
while I don’t even know
where I be goin.
Where my keys?
Where my car?
Where my stash?
Who smoked the last?
We smoked the last?
Damn!—
that shit went fast!

Everybody,
get together,
try to smoke one another.
At the Spot,
time you spend
will never get to be forever
(for worse or for better).

Everybody
and their mother’s
getting fucked up on whatever.
At the Spot,
the time you spent
was never meant to be forever
(some’ll never recover).

I’ll see you at the spot if I got time
but I gotta find time to write my rhymes.

Livin,
lovin,
so free and easy
to lose yourself
stopping,
smellin daisies.

You gotta be
crazy
to leave this place
and maybe
even
way
crazier to stay…
Track Name: So Suddenly
I met her in a meat locker.
She said it was the heat that bothered her.
She said it was her feet, how hot
They’d get when she set her eyes on me.

I did the dirty deed with her.
I told her that I’d like to be seeing her.
She said that she’d be leaving,
That her feet were freezing her.

So suddenly the ground was pulled out from under,
So suddenly, so suddenly.
So suddenly, there’s a cloud that she hovers over me,
So suddenly, so suddenly.

I saw her at the Foot Locker,
Sayin that it was her feet that bothered her,
Sayin that she couldn’t sleep after joggin
Up the street in a single sneaker.

I ran over with the pair that she left when
She left her love behind and never came to get em.
It took one look to get sentimental;
She put em on and bolted right out the shopping center.

So suddenly the ground was pulled out from under me,
So suddenly, so suddenly.
So suddenly, there’s a cloud that she hovers over me,
So suddenly, so suddenly.

I snuck into her gym locker,
And right next to her odor-eaters, left a letter,
Filled with promises that things could get so much better,
Like the discount on her membership – shit!

So suddenly, so suddenly, so suddenly—
Oh, so suddenly!
So suddenly, so suddenly!
Track Name: Choke
Sell me something that you don’t believe in.
Then leave me queasy with the receipt you sleazed in.
Can I even breathe
this air in this area
that you heave your disease in?
Oh god, I see no good reason
why I should.

Just let us live with what we can’t agree on.
Don’t let me be what your neurosi feed on.
Can I even breathe
this air in this area
that you heave your disease in?
Oh god, I see no good reason
why I should.

While I’m coughin up a lung,
Just trying to swallow that crock that you flung
Give your trap a rest,
Let it catch its breath after a long run.
And shove so down your throat,
This song I wrote,
It makes you choke.

Sell me something that you don’t believe in.
Then leave me wheezin in the kerchief you sneezed in.
Can I even breathe
this air in this area
that you heave your disease in?
Oh god, I see no good reason
why I should.

Believe, without you, this world keeps revolving.
In fact, the smack you spit keeps shit from evolving.
Can I even breathe
this air in this area
that you heave your disease in?
Oh god, I see no good reason
why I should.

While I’m coughin up a lung,
Just trying to swallow that crock that you flung
Give your trap a rest,
Let it catch its breath after a long run.
And shove so down your throat,
This song I wrote,
It makes you choke.

I’ll make you choke,
I’ll make you choke,
I’ll make you choke,
I’ll make you choke,
I’ll make you choke,
you choke on this song
that I wrote
for you to choke.
Track Name: Reaper
Yea, I’ve heard of a Hell—
just south o Nowhere,
past the border,
there’s a portal in the well.

Yea, I know it well—
and when ya do go there,
tell the clerk ya know me.
Ring the bell.
Ding

You can call me Reaper.
Happy to meet ya.

Sometime, the soul
is a toss up. It’s all up
to whether the good out-
weighs the bad ya done.

But, man!—
some o that shit
you did was messed up. Gettin
the best of everyone
is gonna get you fucked
where I’m from. Have fun.

You can call me Reaper.
So happy to meet you.

Once you’ve
met me, Man, it’s too damn late
to try and un-damn your soul,
free of toll.

But we
don’t have to meet, if you can
keep your hands clean,
free of trouble.

But I really can’t wait to meet you.